July 3rd 2021
Half of the year has passed and my soul hasn't left my body yet, so I guess it's going pretty good as of now. Although the former part of the pandemic hasn't been a very smooth ride, the later part has taught me a lot of things which I never knew about myself. The society or the environment we live in has specific constructs about what is good and bad, what is beautiful and ugly and from childhood these beliefs are made facts and are inculcated within us. But discovering what's beautiful from one's own perspective, holds a separate joy altogether because it's personal, something which is completely our own creation.
"To find happiness, look halfway between too little, too much"- Ruskin Bond. It is true that we keep searching for happiness which is long lasting, but how do I explain to you the joy in inking a new pen with a little bit in your fingers and on your nose. Yes, being the clumsy person that I am, I'm always one step far from spilling the entire ink pot on my bed sheet. Talking about clumsy-ness, despite having long fingers, they don't work when it comes to playing an uke. But the inexplicable joy when I could finally get a note correct and when the tune matches completely with the actual song, is when I get butterflies in my stomach. Also my best friend being my all time cheerleader and listening to all my broken tunes with serious attention.
It has been almost 3 years that I have been teaching but I still don't think I qualify as a teacher. But the feeling that I can be useful to my students makes me feel a little less useless. And along with it comes the immense joy when you help them frame their beautiful mind. My youngest student finds rainbows and clouds to be the most beautiful creation of God and this feels like an achievement to have a little bit of me in her.
I miss bus rides, although in Kolkata you could only get the smell of the sweat all around you. But sometimes when the bus used to move forward on the bridge, you could see the vehicles rushing down from the left side showing their red back lights along with the vehicles racing upwards on the right side with their yellow headlights, it made the street look like a canvas with strokes of ruby and gold.
In this uncountable number of joys of life, the afternoon walks, the experience of listening to Beethoven's symphony number 9 at the busy exide crossing with the rhythmic movement of the vehicles, the smell of a new book, the smiling face of your little 1 year old brother when you rub your nose against his, are few of the beautiful things which keeps you going in this ramshackle world.
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